My ATM looks so different sober.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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