Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
