Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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