Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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