I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
