you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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