and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
