Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
