I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
