Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
