I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
