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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
