Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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