You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
