So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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