I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The air was thick with penises
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
