I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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