Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
