Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
