So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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