No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
