I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
