White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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