So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
