hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
