it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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