How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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