im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My feet surprised me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
