sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
