I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
