I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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