i don't like sucking hair
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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