I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
