God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
