she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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