She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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