one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
