Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
