He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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