I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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