I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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