She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
