Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
