i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
