If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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