I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
