girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
