So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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