I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
