He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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