It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
