Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
