so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
