She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this hospital has no fireball
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
