He asked to "fluff my boner.."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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