i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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