I'm so fucking centered right now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
